Dancing. This Article Contains Swearing.

Yes it’s another moan, another futile attempt to change something that I have little power to change. This time it’s the world of dance. There are two types of dancing. Actually three. There are three types of dancing. The first is what you and I do when we go to a nightclub (i.e. not much other than shuffle around). The second type is that which we might pay to see, for example a ballet, musicals etc. in a theatre, or a pop concert, and the third type is the ‘art’ of dancing, that which seeks to push the boundaries of dance, e.g. people like the late Merce Cunningham, or (good) break dancers.

I have no issue with types one or three above. It’s type two. Ballet, musicals and pop. Ballet? Who cares? Honestly, who gives a fuck? No one. It’s kept alive for the same reason as Latin is kept alive. Nostalgic and educational reasons only. No one really likes it. I went to an opera once. Fucking never again! I had to pinch myself to stay awake. As did all the school kids I was with (it was a trip at a school I worked at). Same with ballet. I know, kidding aside, that some people love it. But what does it do for the ‘everyman’? Nothing. And yes, I’ve seen Billy Elliot.

Musicals? Don’t get me fucking started on them. I am not a woman of a certain age, who wears gold coloured shoes. I fucking loathe musicals. Take yer West Side Story, and fuck off. What do musicals add to the world of dance? Sweet fuck all, that’s what. I’ve seen those lame old dance routines a million fucking times. So take them, and…..

Now, to the real bone of my contention. Boy and fucking girl bands. That they can go on stage and show the fucking world, the young impressionable world I might add, that THIS is what constitutes a high standard of entertainment with the fucking auto-tuned voices and middle of the road shytey fucking dance moves that you or I could learn in a day, is so fucking lame I’d like to dig a big hole and throw the fucking lot of them, and their managers, in it.

It’s a fucking absolute disgrace.

Wildly experimental dance, or music, is too much for most people, including me mostly, but that doesn’t mean we have to accept the opposite end of the spectrum – ZERO INVENTIVENESS AND CREATIVITY WHATSOEVER. We know what good dance is. We know what good singing is, so why do we let the music industry sell us lame entertainment? Because we don’t fucking demand otherwise, that’s why.

If you want shit dancing and shit singing from your pop performers, do nothing. Phone up X-Factor or whatever arsehole-nonsense is on this week, and vote for some shyte or other because it’s slightly less inept than the other acts that night. Then watch the videos in this article (below), and ask yourself what real talent is. If you can, watch with the sound off, and focus just on the movement.

Watch this video and focus on the dancing (if you can, they aren’t wearing much). Any semi-competent dancer could learn these dance moves in a day. Pathetic. What seems to be happening with these boy and girl bands is that ‘if they can do it in a synchronized way, then it’s great (no matter how lame the individual moves are)’.


Or this video, (anyone who says ‘yeah but they’re gorgeous’ will be shot at dawn.) It's rubbish. You or I could learn those dance ‘moves’ in an hour.


It seems we’ve regressed both in terms of what happens on stage, and what we accept as ‘good’ as an audience. We, as an audience, have to take some of the blame. The performers themselves though, especially the mainstream ones, should be thoroughly and deeply ashamed of themselves.

Some Good Dancing....

Check this guy out. Something like this would take months, if not years, to learn. THIS is impressive. If a little weird.


This is break dancing from THIRTY years ago. It would appear that today’s pop performers have learned ZERO in the years since. Worse, our audiences accept crap performance… (ps. Red Lycra full body suits didn’t catch on. Can’t think why….)



Watch this video – Masters of Dance. James Brown, Jackie Wilson, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire et al. Now I hate, with a passion, all those old musicals, but it has to be said – they could dance, and all of the stuff on this video is at least 40 years old. Why has dance reverted to being rubbish? Simple, because our audiences have been brainwashed into accepting crap.