April 29, 2011

Hongdae is for Suckers and Douchebags (Mostly)

Well, sometimes anyway.

Ok, I
've got friends, good friends, who regularly go to Hongdae on a weekend. If you fit into that category, you WILL be offended by the rest of this, so go read something else!

Hongdae is, for non-familiar-with-Seoul,
South Korea readers, a nightclubby, party-time suburb of Seoul. Big. Busy. And full of twats.  Here are my last three trips there.

1) Minding our business, my group of friends and I are dancing next to this very drunken guy who, after, it has to be said, nothing whatsoever, threatened my friend with
"I'm gonna kick your fucking head in" or words to that effect. Five minutes later, and nothing to do with us, this guy is being escorted out by some burly Korean doormen.

2) In another nightclub, on another night, I
'm walking back from the bar across the club, again, entirely minding my own business (in case anyone thinks I was scowling or whatever) when a spotty skinny little ginger nerd steps out of a crowd and shoves me, quite blatantly, halfway across the dancefloor! I had very strong words said spotty little ginger nerd, who immediately shat himself and started profusely apologising! Can anyone tell me what the actual fuck this is about? Why do people whom no doubt (it would seem anyway) are away from home for the first time, feel the need to pick fights with random strangers? "Let-loose" syndrome? Who knows?

Oh, the best, by far, is yet to come!

My friends and I, on another night, around a month ago, are in a club in Hongdae. It
's around 3am, so everyone had been drinking. Still, that's no excuse for THIS. I'm literally just standing around, just watching the dancefloor, sipping a beer, not talking to anyone, when some utter, undeniable clusterfuck of a douchebag, with shit hair and a bad attitude, walks up to me, again out of nowhere. The conversation went something like:

Clusterfuck douchebag extraordinaire: Who the fuck are you?

Me: Eh?

CfDbE: I said who the fuck are you?

Me: Paul.

CfDbE: Listen you prick. I don
't like the look of you, and I've got way more life experience than you, I've been in Korea longer than you, and I'm older than you, so you better fucking watch yourself.

Me: Listen dude, I don
't know what you're on about, or who you are

CfDbE: I
'm gonna put you on the fucking floor!

(by now I
'd had enough, as the conversation carried on like this for a minute or two).

Me: *Headbutt* (sorry Mum if you
're reading this, but enough was enough).

CfDbE: *Dragged off by friends*

Me: *pointing and gesturing*
me and you outside now sunshine.

Etc etc.

Half an hour later this CfDbE is all over me apologising and buying me drinks. It turned out to be a very cheap night in fact. Oh and for the record, he was American (sounding) and about 30 years old. I
'm 43!

Also, I don
't wanna come across like I'm some kind of hard man, because I'm not. But there's a line, walking up to me, or indeed anyone, in a nightclub and telling them that 'you're gonna put them on the floor' is surely asking, literally, for trouble?

Every time this little prick came up to me with another drink I
'd say thank you, and tell him, again, what a cocksucker he'd been, to which he readily agreed, every time!

I should have walloped the guy, but decorum, and a sense of not wanting to get thrown out a nightclub at 3 or
4 am after the trains had stopped running, curtailed me from taking it further, though my offer to take it outside at the time was genuine. He bottled it saying "look, I don't wanna fight you!'. You weren't saying that half an hour ago you cocksucker. Etc

So that
's Hongdae, a hotbed of utter fannies. Oh and the music they play is fucking dreadful in these places as well, usually. Lowest common denominator cheesy-dance-music-by-numbers. I like dancing, but not to any old shit. The music in nightclubs in  Korea, frankly, leaves a lot to be desired, though in fairness I only know what I hear in these crappy places. I'm sure there's good stuff around.

In summary, if you
're a westerner in Korea, and maybe you're away from home for the first time, and maybe you're not that used to being drunk in nightclubs at 3am, here's some advice BEHAVE YOURSELF!  







April 27, 2011

Facebook Obsessives. STFU.

Recently, there has been a spate of people, friends of mine, and in some cases that's 'Facebook friends' more than real-life friends, and by that I mean that I know them more (not 'only') on Facebook, than in real life, who seem to be taking Facebook far too seriously, blaming it for everything awry in their lives.

Ironically, these people who are signing off from Facebook, or refusing to sign up at all, or taking long leaves of absence, are, in my opinion, the ones guilty of taking it far too seriously. In my opinion THEY are the ones giving Facebook far more attention than it deserves. It
's just a website. Manage your time better!

As an exile FB is great for me for keeping in touch, seeing my family
's photos and so on. I enjoy a couple of the games on there, chess particularly, and I cannot understand why so many people blame it for anything at all. It's just a website. A medium. Blaming the medium is like having an argument with someone over the phone, and blaming the phone.

Personally, I think it
's a kind of trend to 'dislike' Facebook. A bit like it's trendy to disown 'lol' and other acronyms of the ilk. "Oh, that Facebook, I'm spending far too much time on it, I'm gonna be cool and sign off. Everyone will think I'm forward thinking." Fuck off. Lame attempts at bohemian exista (I just invented a word, deal with it) are, simply, for cunts. Oh, you thought this was a wordy diatribe? That there would be no calling people cunts? You were wrong. Don't blame the fucking medium. I hate those cunts who will ONLY wear Birkenstock sandals, who will ONLY have an i-pod with 85000 songs on it (mine's got 500, songs that I actually like, and some new stuff to check out I'm not a fucking memory man), who will only wear Stussy t-shirts. They're the CUNTS who'll be signing off FB and telling the world what trend-setters they are. Incidentally, these are the same people far-too-fucking-cool (they think) to use 'lol'. Get it straight they are the fucking lamoes, not you.