Let Them Eat Cake!

It’s been a disappointing week in some ways…

Starting with last Saturday, and my good buddy Andy’s birthday night out in Seoul. Too many people, too much waiting around, too much fucking about. Andy’s a great guy and it wasn’t his, or anyone’s, fault really, we just seemed to spend half the night waiting around for people to catch up, or meet up, or whatever.

One woman, who shall remain nameless, kept a few of us waiting in the street for what seemed ages, whilst she went in a coffee shop to use the bathroom. On investigation, after quite some time, she was found in the fucking coffee shop eating cake. “There’d been a queue, for cake” she said. That’s alright then love – we’ll stand about in the fucking street for twenty minutes while you queue for fucking cake. I didn’t call her a silly bitch, but she did know in no uncertain terms that I thought she was one.

Actually, by Monday, I thought I’d been a little harsh, so I ‘Facebooked’ her an apology, as she is a friend of a friend. She Facebooked me back saying that the apology ‘meant a lot and thank you’, then completely blocked me from contacting her like I’m some fucking stalker or some shit. Really, I sent one message, an apology at that! Make me stand in the street while you eat fucking cake will you? Hope you choke on the fucker next time. Oh, and judging by the size of your hips, you eat plenty of the stuff too.

Moving on…

On Tuesday, I went to bed. All was normal.

On Wednesday morning when I woke, I had a crick in my neck so bad I had to take Thursday off work and go to the hospital, where they hooked me up to a very vigorous massage machine, and I mean vigorous – it left bruises!

Korean hospitals are very good. They are small, but have a dept. for almost everything. One time I had to go as I'd had a small white lump halfway in my eye socket that had started to become irritable, like I had something in my eye. So I'm in the hospital, and after a bit of pointing and cross-lingual explaining, the doctor said that I would need to see a specialist dermatologist in another town, and have an operation. Having an operation on my eye in a foreign country was not an enticing prospect. Anyway, the doc says ‘follow the nurse and we’ll sort it out for you.’

So I followed the nurse out of his office, along the corridor, down the stairs, down to reception, past reception, out of the front door, along the street, round the corner, along the main road, and into another building which turned out to be an optician’s. I thought I was going downstairs to fill a form in!

The nurse left me there. No one in reception spoke English.

They ushered me into the very large back room where three or four opticians were working. The first, younger one took a look. You’ll need to see the older guy, he somehow communicated (most Koreans know a few basic English words, even if they can’t have a conversation, as they study it at school).

Across the room, the older guy made me sit down and push my face into that cushioned head-frame you only get at the opticians. He positioned a bunch of magnifying equipment and started having a look. ‘I think I can get it he said, in pretty good English, referring to the small white cyst in my eyeball you’ve probably forgotten about by now. He picked up a scalpel, and a needle, and proceeded to prick and scrape away at this thing in my eye socket. I cannot tell you the pressure of instinct that wells up when someone is poking needles and scalpels in your eyeball. Your entire instinctual mechanism is screaming ‘Flight! Do one, now!!! He’s got needles and scalpels and wants to poke them in your eye! Run away!!!!’.

Anyway, he did get it out, right there and then, no anaesthetic, nuthin’. But I had to pay. 4000 won, about two of our British Pounds. Never had any bother since. I think he frightened my eyeballs into never getting another cyst again.

Where was I?

Oh yes, my week.

I had a date on Tuesday. I’m not sure either of us like each other that much. We’ll see…

I found out today, Friday, that I will teach summer classes during the school shutdown. This is normal so no problem there. Only thing – I found this information out today, and was asked, this same day, to submit lesson plans for all ten two-hour lessons. That’s Korea right there, “bal-hi bal-hi” (quick quick). I don’t mind really, I’m used to it now – half the paperwork we have to do is just for show anyway, i.e. whatever I put on my lesson plans doesn’t have to be followed, the plan just has to exist so that they can tick their little boxes.

So my week, in summary – Andy’s birthday bash spoiled by too much fucking about. Cake eater. Date. Cricked neck and hospital. Summer Class and plans.

Sounds bad. Wasn’t. We still had some fun on Andy’s birthday. Cake eater can kiss my sweaty balls, and the cricked neck got me a day off work, and got me sent home early on Friday too. Oh and I went to the jimjilbang (public bath) today. Awesome!

Roll on next week. Supposed to date that girl again but honestly, I doubt it. It’s also the last week of school before the summer holidays here in Korea, so should be a nice simple week work-wise.

Hope you’re all well.