Tips and Tricks for Getting-By in Korea

These are tongue-in-cheek. I like Korea and the Korean people. As a Westerner, there are however a few ‘differences’ between the two cultures that I find it hard to comprehend and adapt to. These are some that bemuse me. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

• 1) Don’t ask what’s for lunch. It’s rice and soup.
• 2) When walking on the pavement/sidewalk, and the way ahead is clear, expect the person walking in the opposite direction to come onto your side so you now both have to change sides. (WHAT is it with that?)
• 3) If you are walking along in a straight line, the person walking perpendicular to your trajectory will deliberately and willfully head straight for a collision course.
• 4) No one will hold a door open for you.
• 5) Don’t say excuse me, even in Korean. A (sometimes) gentle nudge will suffice.
• 6) Any woman over 40 has the right to go straight to the front of any queue.
• 7) Any woman over 40 has to wear their hair in a tight, died black, short perm.
• 8) Any woman over 40 must sport a capless peak the size of a satellite dish,
• 9) Any woman over 40 must wear lime green trousers/pants, with a flowery purple blouse.
• 10) Any woman over 40 is protected by a higher being when crossing the road, and therefore does not need to look or listen.
• 11) It’s OK to clear your throat LOUDLY and spit the result into the street.
• 12) When driving, don’t use your indicators, they are an unnecessary luxury used only by the foolish.
• 13) Be prepared to wait the equivalent of four lifetimes waiting to cross the road. Push button. Read “War and Peace”. Cross road. In that order.
• 14) If you have a car smaller that a cruise liner, you are nothing. NOTHING!
• 15) When doing any kind of work or task, the ONLY thing that matters is speed.
• 16) It’s OK to lie if it avoids any kind of personal loss of face.
• 17) Music was invented five years ago.
• 18) The drunken Korean man who shouted “Wayne Rooney Manchester United!!” at you in the bar because you’re English, is now your best friend.
• 19) Expect things to change at the last minute. For example, it’s 8.30am.You have class at 9am. Phone call. That class is now at 8.45… 8.44 comes around, phone call “classes today are all cancelled”. Hurrah! 8.46 class arrives. Normal day.
• 20) If you are an attractive young female, you must wear a very short skirt and a very high neckline. No exceptions.
• 21) If you are a “streetwise” male, you must wear some new-looking jeans, and new-looking trainers/sneakers. No other clothes exist. None.
• 22) It’s cool, when smoking, to hold the cigarette between your teeth.
• 23) When drinking you must: not fill your own glass, look away whilst sipping, not watch anyone else, stand on one leg, spin around, put the glass back on the table upside down, offer a toast at every opportunity, click the glass of your superiors lower on the glass than your own, and recite Chaucer’s “The Millers Tale”, in Korean, after every sip. Most of these are actually true.
• 24) Despite the West also having a long history of inventing stuff, Koreans will be amazed that any Westerner has heard of rudimentary items such as, say, gloves.
• 25) It’s OK to ask someone their age and marital status before their asking their name.

Let it be said that Koreans are also very kind, and very helpful. They rarely get angry, they are generally courteous (in their own way!) and it’s a very nice place to live. I also love computers, but they too have minor annoyances! That’s life. I can’t change computing, and I can’t change Korea. I do however love them both!

If you have an ‘annoyance’ that you’d like to post, feel free to add a comment below.