I’m just back from a three-day training course with my job. The course material and presentation had way too much of a corporate feel to it for my liking. Big lecture halls, getting everyone to shout “woohooooo!” etc to get them ‘motivated’, and some really, really badly designed PowerPoint presentations.
Before I go any further, I must emphasise that the course itself wasn’t too bad. The speakers knew their stuff, and the ladies running it worked extra hard, and they are great and friendly people, but I’m here to rant, and rant I will.
Secondly, I’m talking about design here, the overall ‘look and feel’ of these PPT presentations, not the content. Those giving the lectures certainly knew what they were talking about, it just, sometimes, looked like shit on-screen. I won’t mention one lecturer who was so scruffy that it actually irked me. Buy some shoe polish and a fucking iron.
Right everyone, stop doing this. I mean it. Stop. Right now.
What in the name of fuck are you doing? This is not a fucking hall of mirrors. Keep things in their original proportions and ratios! The coins and faces mistake were both on PPTs I saw at this course. Don’t do this!! I mean holy fuck, we’re not all artists, but you don’t have to make everyone look like they’ve had their head in a vice. A circle is a circle is a circle. Why is yours egg-shaped? Why? Why can’t you see it? If you think no one notices, you are wrong! One of the lecturers spent a good hour talking about body language, that is - non-verbal communication, yet his non-verbal communication (the look and feel of the PPT) stunk! It’s easily avoided – in PPT just drag THE FUCKING CORNERS ONLY not the middle-of-the-edge of the images. If you need to change the proportion/ratio – crop the image first. That is, if it’s too wide, chop a bit off rather than just dragging it in. There’s a crop tool in PPT – its icon looks like this.
Jeezo! Don’t do this. If I see you doing this on any handout, worksheet, PPT or anything else I will send you dog poop in the post. In an oddly proportioned box. See how you like it.
Colours (Fuck the American Spelling).
One lady lecturer decided that the headers/titles in each of her slides should, for some reason be a) the same size as the rest (itself not a crime) and b) of a more faded tone compared to the body text. Something like this…
I mean come on. The point of a fucking header is that, well, it’s a fucking header. The thing that shouts loudest and the thing you read first. A lead-in. Not much fucking use if I only notice it after I’ve read the thing my eye is drawn to first is it? Your headline should be at least as big as the body text, or bigger, it should of course be at the top, and it should NOT be in a less ‘bold’ or obvious colour/tone than the body text.
Another thing, though this wasn’t something I noticed at the training course, as this is more of a tip for teachers of kids, not adults. Add some fucking pictures to your slides (without squashing them for fuck’s sake). Kids love looking at boring slide-after-slide of text don’t they? No of course they fucking don’t. Pictures also look a lot more professional with borders on, so add some fucking borders, it ain’t hard. If you don’t know how – go figure it out, that’s what fucking Google is for.
And while I’m talking about pictures don’t use these (pixelated) or these (watermarked). Why? Because you’ll look like a c*nt. Get a nice clean picture without watermarks or pixelisation, that is a decent size, big enough to resize without becoming pixelated, and slap a border on it. It’s not hard. In fact it’s very easy for anyone with an IQ above 12. Incidentally – the use of clip art. Some hate it (professional designers especially) but for us teachers, its cartoony quality can be pretty useful.
Also, pick interesting fonts. There is more to life than Times New Roman and Arial. I use this website http://1001freefonts.com. If you’re doing a presentation about, say, computers, use a techno font. Shakespeare? Use an Olde English font. Use your fucking imagination anyway. Also, the variation of typefaces might just challenge the kids’ reading a little. Don’t know how to install a font? Google.
Body language is important in communication. Design is equally important in presentation. There’s no excuse for making the obvious-as-a-turd-on-your-face mistakes above.
You may never win designer of the year, I know I wouldn’t, but if you eradicate/use the above, you’ll at least look like less of a twat by reaching the VERY BASIC STANDARD of design. Who knows, maybe you will start looking professional? OK, I doubt that, but give it a try. And iron them fucking trousers.
NB: The above is not directed at anyone in particular. The course I went on was actually pretty good, Powerpoints aside...
No comments:
Post a Comment